I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert

“Just because I haven’t put a lot of thought into this book doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t. What I have dictated is nothing less than a Constitution for the Colbert Nation. And, like our Founding Fathers, I hold my Truths to be self-evident, which is why I did absolutely no research.”
– Introduction, pg. ix

“We are at war. And I’m not talking about the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, or the war on drugs. I’m talking about a war with higher stakes than all of those other wars combined and then divided by three.” – Chapter 1, pg. 5

“There’s more to being a father than taking kids to Chuck E. Cheese’s and supplying the occasional Y-chromosome. A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?” – Chapter 1, pg. 7

“If a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it could cause people at the opposite end of the globe to watch a Discovery Channel special on butterflies.” – Chapter 4, pg. 47

“A recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America – less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense – at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.” – Chapter 4, pg.61

“Every society has its own class structure with a unique number of classes. India has one of the most rigid and complex class structures. Based upon their behavior in past lives, all Indians are born into different stratas of society called 'castes.' These castes forever determine what level of tech support questions they are allowed to answer.” – Chapter 11, pg. 162

So those were some of my favorite book quotes from I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert.

I advise against reading this in a public place – I honestly laughed out loud at least a dozen times! I freaking love this man’s show. Although, someone from Charter needs to address the fact that my DVR records repeats of the Colbert Report even after I program it to only record new episodes. Perhaps my cable

company has a deal with Comedy Central? At any rate, it’s funny how you can practically hear Stephen saying the words in your head as you read them. There were some parts of his book that were rather dull, but I think I’ll attribute this to having read the entire thing in one sitting. You can only take so much comedy in a twenty-four hour period. Perhaps this is the reason his show is only thirty minutes long? Still, Colbert brings the satirical genius. As said by an anonymous reviewer on Amazon: "If I had a womb and the other necessary parts, I would offer to bear Stephen Colbert's children because America needs more people like him." Amen.